As some of you may know I’ve had a real hurt/hate relationship with the Christian church over the last few years. What a long story that is… and I wont get into that here. It seems though that the winds are changing on that front for me. Not long ago I celebrated a year of working with a church in Akron/Green called “The Chapel.” What a year! For the first time ever (for me) in a church I’ve had people reach out and care for me and my family. The people there have loved on us in ways that I can’t put into words without sobbing like a little girl. The love of Christ has been poured out in such a way that I can’t help but want to pour the same love into other people. It’s been a totally new experience for me to be “working” for a church that doesnt just see me as a product that needs to be wrung out for every penny they’ve “invested.” I’ve had a lot of that in the past, people who keep you around and are kind to you because you have an ability to give them something that they want. And much of my working life was that way. I existed for a number of years where the relationships with the people I worked with and served with and grew with for 10 years consisted simply of them needing me to do things. I didnt realize until I experienced something else that few invested in me or saw value in me as a person. I was a cog in a machine that was oiled with shallow relationships and paid with token praise to get the wheels turning to put out the desired product. As soon as I left work most of those “relationships” disappeared into thin air. My wedding went unnoticed and my son’s first weeks of life were witnessed only by a handful of people. Only Kathy, Christina, Natalie, Jonathan, Georgia, and my family visited us. Only those few out of the many that promised to stay with us and continue to love on us and that loved us and would see us through and other nonsense. Those were heartbreaking times.

I say all of that to set the stage for my state of mind in coming in to the Chapel to work. I was committed to leaving it just at work. No involvement. I didnt even care if the people there thought I wasnt a Christian at all. Anything to keep them at arms length. Just so I didnt have to get my hopes up again. Because I’ll tell ya… it takes time to recover from your community not even noticing you had a baby. Sigh. And I’m not sure when it happened… it was such a slow process they really snuck up on me. At first everyone was just so nice. No one was pushy to find out about me. But they seemed to like having me around. And then the offer came from my boss (Rick) to come early to dinner (free) before rehearsal on Wednesday nights. To start it was just me. I figured I should at least make a showing. But then there were just so many nice people there. And we’d talk about silly things and serious things and all sorts of things. I noticed that the pastors Knute and Paul seemed to really be low on ego. Paul especially is just the most humble person. He always had kind words to say about the work that I did and they were genuine. He took any comments I had about how we could make things better seriously. Kenton too (worship leader) seemed to want my opinion and did everything he could to accommodate making video of the services the best it could be. Even when I told him that his favorite color to wear on stage (black) made him look like a floating head and hands he thanked me for looking out for the way he was presented on video and he has since really gone above and beyond to be aware of those things. The ease of working with them was a blessing. And I started to warm up.

Last summer things really started to change for us. Over and over we’d been invited to play volleyball with the worship team at Boettler Park on Thursday nights. I put it off forever. I didnt want Scott and I to feel like a 5th wheel. I knew (or thought I knew) they were just being nice and didnt want us wrecking their clique. But Emily especially persisted and suddenly we found ourselves having a FABULOUS time playing sand volleyball with a bunch of people we didnt know. And just like that the walls fell down. We got to know Emily better who is just a multifaceted wonder who is always surprising and fun. Maureen who I am convinced is Jesus in human form. She has loved on us by just loving us and expecting no return. I just want to hug her every time I see her (and often do) just because she is so wonderful, so lovable, so talented and beautiful and so full of the Spirit you just want to be around her. She’s just a blessing. And she lobbed boulders at the walls we’d built. Rob and Dan and Glen are becoming “The guys” for Scott. He began prodding me to never miss Thursday nights because they were all just so cool for him to be around. He no longer cared the risk, he saw long before I did that these people were different. Bonnie soon joined and brought a humor that splits my sides. And the team (we really were one by then) moved to a competitive league at the Chapel this fall. I met people at Boettler who were church people without the ick of it. Its hard to feel like people are going to judge and ridicule your sinful mistakes when you meet them covered in sand and sweat hollering and laughing over life and living. So when I saw them again on Sunday mornings it was impossible to shrink away into the background. I just wanted to be around them. And it grew from there.

I was invited to a baby shower for my Boss’ (Aaron) wife Abi. There I got to finally start to get to know Abi (who I’d worked with but that’s different) and Emily and Brenda and others. I realized somewhere in the middle of that shower that I was glad I was there. And that these women (although better makeup’d) were happy I was there and they wanted me to want to be there because they wanted to be friends. None of them knew I could edit their kids’ recital (and if you’re reading this I STILL can’t) but they still thought I was worth being around. That was a new one. And from there it’s only grown. Aaron and I are really enjoying working together, and Abi’s like my online soul mate We can chatter away forever (or until one of our kids needs us) and I’m often wishing she was next door so we could hang out more. I’m finding that I want to reach out and get to know BERTOLLI Emily and so many others. The fear is gone somehow. They seem like fun people, and for some reason they’re different and I want to keep that going. I love it.

For a long time there was only JB, Adam, and Kathy (Julie you’re in there too!). They were the onlys that stuck it through when no one else took the time to love on me. And oh how I love them for it. And oh how I thought they were always going to be it. The onlys. But I’m so happy to say they arent. There’s so many mores. And its been the greatest joy of this year for me to introduce the onlys to the many mores and realize there’s so much more love and happy now than ever before.

As the year winds down I didnt want to miss the opportunity to be thankful for the people the year has brought into our life. New amazing friends, realizing that the distance from here to Florida isnt enough to kill off the old friends (actually it’s just made it all the more wonderful every time I get to talk to them). That Morocco and Jordan can easily be reached online and I never have to loose my favorite friend to hug The knowledge that these friendships are building friendships for Connor too that’s been pretty doggone amazing. Big D, G-Man, Killer B, Smac, Slash, Sandman, the Ringer, quickserve, team Davis, and the rest of the Boettler crue are irreplaceable (and can be seen bi-montly on ESPN 500).

This year. What a blessing.

Today I had 2 conversations (ok I had more than two, stop being so detail oriented).  1 of them was with a friend.  1 of them was with my mom.  They were equally as important.  The conversation with my friend was talking about a serious issue (like as serious as cancer, it wasnt cancer, but it was still really serious).  We spoke at length about what she could do, what she should do, and how on earth she’s going to figure out how to emotionally handle whatever the outcome may be.  She didnt walk away with all the answers, but she knew (I hope) that she wasnt alone in this, and that she is much loved.

My conversation with my mom today consisted of a nearly 20 minute monologue about a new rug she and my dad purchased.  She did most of the talking.  She described the rug in detail, we briefly discussed other options for multiple rugs in the room.  She described with detail the process she and my father went through shopping around and eventually discovering this particular weave of fiber.  I know where the rug is placed, how long it measures, and what walls in the home it matches.

Believe it or not I feel that these conversations were equally important.  Now you might be thinking “uh, no…. dude… the first lady has cancer!”  (or you might have stopped reading this 200 words ago.  I’ll never know.) But here’s the point.  These women needed to talk.  Of course the subjects were different.  But I would argue that my mother was reassured that her daughter had a genuine interest in the comfort of her home.  She was encouraged that her ability to make people comfortable in her home were still in tip top shape.  She can look at her rug with confidence knowing that it will bring lasting comfort to whoever steps into that room.  She knows that no one else can make her home what she makes of it. And that’s a big deal.

I guess the point I’m trying to make through the clutter in my mind is that women need to talk. We always need to talk.  It doesnt matter what we’re talking about, we need you to listen.  We’ll write it out, sing it for you, or embroider it onto little towels, but we have a message, we have a voice and we need to know that it’s making it’s way through all the other noise.

AARG!  I’m cranky today (well, to be fair, I think I’ve been cranky this week).  I seem to be in a funk that I cannot defunk.  And today my funk is centered around the immaturity of a friend.  A friend that is smart, but her intelligence ceases when it comes to actual human relationships.  A woman that is so obsessed with being in love that she shuts every other part of the world out.  A woman so obsessed with an idiot that offers empty promises that she tosses aside every conviction she’s ever had to adopt his.  Who in pursuit of a dream of the happy family with white picket fence will sacrifice a community that loves her, friends who warn her that she’s making a poor choice, and any other reasoned thought or idea. Wake up girl!

Today I’ve thought a lot about friends.  I have such a diverse set of close friends.  I am truely blessed.   A friend that is an artist and ambitious who works herself ragged to get her family to a warm place that provides for them.  A friend who is singlehandedly holding her family together, who still manages to inspire others and laugh as though she’s not at the end of her rope.  A friend who is venturing out into the great unkown, and stepping away from the security of what is familiar in order to bring an education to children she doesnt know, and at the same time to provide a better life for her own brood.  A friend who left the comfort and stability of home in order to travel to a place she’d never been, selling off nearly all her worldy possessions and saying God is all I need.  A woman  bringing her beautiful light to a Muslim world in such a beautiful way.  And new friends!  The Mother hen who makes every person around her feel as though they are God’s most magnificent creation, the single gal who pours herself into her friends and their families who expresses herself through song to bring people to God’s throne, the mom who pours herself out and through humor and wit makes everyone around her so glad they know her.

I suppose with such a company of wonderful friends I can offer more grace to the one who is crazy and self centered.  The one who has never encountered a crisis so creates ones out of parties and minute offenses.  Who has become so harsh you cant see Christ shining through her life.  Who is determined to be perfect, with the perfect life.  Sigh, oh girl.  Mess up your hair a little and live!  Enjoy the mess with the rest of us!

Friends are the best inspiration I think.  I had a chance to hang out with my friend Amber today and it was just a nice thing to have her around.  She’s one of those people who just always has it together, but at the same time she’s very authentic.  She doesnt have it all together, but she accomplishes a lot with grace and grit.  After a couple hours in her beautiful home (which is for sale by the way) I got to looking at mine to figure out ways to improve on it.  Sometimes you just need a reminder that normal women do accomplish extraordinary things with resources that are equal to yours.  Then you realize you should get crackin because there’s lots you can accomplish too.

Having bad friends is rough.  I’ve had a couple through my lifetime and it’s a crappy feeling to wake up one morning and realize someone you’ve invested in is not reciprocating and never will.

But I think watching someone you love have a bad friend is even worse.  There are 2 people in my life who have lousy friends.  One he and one she.  She has friends who disregard her hopes for the future and criticize her every action.  She’s getting married and her friends treat it as an inconvenience.  She is on the bottom rung of the totem pole and she is only allowed to give, never to take.  They are bad bad friends.  The worst is they are “Christian” friends.  Whatever.  And she will never ever tell them to get lost.

My other friend is a he.  He has a friend who is a mooch.  Very kind, never gossips about him, just mooches.  My friend has given this guy literally thousands of dollars over the years to help him with this crisis or that crisis.  But now my friend is married with a baby and can no longer offer the same kind of financial assistance.  But that doesnt stop this so called “friend.”  He continues to ask over and over, for $20 here or $40 there.  Or could you pick me up from here and bring me over to hang out and etc.  He only spends time with my friend when he wants something from him.

Both situations make me furious.  So much of me wants to go to these people and tell them how worthless and pitiful they are.  To tell the girls that their backstabbing gossip and hateful actions only make their spirits ugly.  That while on the outside their bodies are beautiful their souls are shriveled and gray.   I want to rail at them that they cant spend time with my friend any more… that she doesnt need them and they are nothing more than crap she will now scrape off her shoes for good.

I want to tell the guy that he deserves the financial hardship he’s in.  I want to tell him that no more assistance is coming from his friend because he’s nothing more than a moocher.  I want to say that he was lucky to have my friend around and he’s proven himself to be a fake friend and should just rot somewhere.  I want to shoot holes in his money making schemes and point out his failures and make it clear they were not someone else’s fault as he claims, but that the blame lies entirely at his feet.

Sigh, but I dont do that.  I want to, but I dont.  I want to save my friends from themselves, but something tells me that tearing another person apart wont fix it.  So I guess I’ll just have to love my friends, remind them of their worth in the eyes of God and in the eyes of others who really love them and hope for the best.  Hope that one day maybe they will stand up for themselves.  Hope that she sees how priceless she is and that he comes to know his value to God for just who he is, not what he gives people.

So I hope…